E-mail Log - Jack, Liz and The Femlin Conversation.

[open_flame]

Liz: Jack? Why didn't you tell me about the tiny naked creatures?

Jack: because they were tiny and naked and women...........

Liz: ...how tiny? *yes, that's the part she's worried about*

Jack: Twelve inches give or take...I promise.

Liz: At least they're not pocket sized.

Jack: They might be....I didn't touch one.

Liz: You're kidding, right? *totally not buying that Jack could resist touching something female and naked, no matter the size*

Jack: Scouts honor no touching, Hellboy is another story.

Liz: Hmmm... *eyebrow* What did Red do?

Jack: *coughs* Picked it up and put it in his pocket,

Liz: *stares* Why did you let him do that?

Jack: Am I supposed to tell you no.

Liz:...no. You're supposed to tell Hellboy not to put tiny creatures in his pocket. *facepalm*

Jack: I didn't see him do it.

Liz: Then how'd you know about it? *narrow eyes*

Jack: *softly* saw it moving in his pocket.

Liz: *jawdrop* if you tell me it nearly suffocated in Red's pocket I will kill you, Jack.

Jack: NO, these things are smart she stuck her head out for air now and then.

Liz: *smacks his arm* What is wrong with you!?

Jack: Nothing......

Liz: I beg to differ, babe.
Jack: Oh do tell?

Liz: Babe, *yup, she used it again* The list of what is clearly wrong with you is so long, I'd be here the rest of my life. *teasing, but still*

Jack: *is trying not to snicker* Oh so you wouldn't do anything if it was a twelve inch tall....I don't know Fabio.

Liz: Oh please. You do not get to use our honeymoon against me. *eyeroll* besides, Fabio is prettier than I am.

Jack: *snickers* You read that book to me if I remember right.

Liz: Only because we were bored and couldn't have sex. *grumbles* Stupid mission.

Jack: I still enjoyed the heaving breasts part.

Liz: *eyeroll* You would... *totally cranky face*

Jack: You enjoyed it too. *he winks* I could tell.

Liz: *she blinks and cautiously puts up a little mental wall so he doesn't know she's not being 100% honestly* Please. That crap is so fake. Look at my breasts. They don't heave!

Jack: *grins more* I beg to differ..

Liz: Now you're just kissing my ass, aren't you?

Jack: That's not all I'm trying to kiss.

Liz: *smirks, just a little* You're gonna have to do a lot better than that if you want to kiss me.

Jack; *pretends to look offended* Can't I just kiss my wife, why do I always have to work for it.

Liz: *foldy arms* Maybe making you work for it makes me feel special.

Jack: *smiles* You always say that.

Liz: Only because it's true. *tiny little lip wobble*

Jack: *is smiling more* Oh is it?

Liz: *wants to glare, but doesn't. Instead she just pouts.* Yes.
Jack: *smile is still in place* And what can I do to stop you from pouting?

Liz: *still pouting* I donno...You're being really mean.

Jack: Oh I don't want to be mean,

Liz: *more pouting* Well, you are. You should stop.

Jack: But the pouting is so cute.

Liz: *annoyed eyeroll* Well, that explains everything.

Jack: *amused* Oh is it?

Liz: Why are you smiling? *srs face* You're in trouble, Captain.

Jack: Big trouble I hope.

Liz: You want to be in trouble? *then she realizes he knows she's kidding* I'm serious, I'm REALLY angry about this. *no, she's not*

Jack: You are always really angry with me. *slight smile*

Liz: Oh, I am not! *almost offended*

Jack: Yes you are and it's cute.

Liz: Me being angry is cute? *eyeroll* You're just trying to get out of trouble about the naked tiny chicks, aren't you?

Jack: Why are you so bothered by the femlins anyway?

Liz: I'm not...*lying* I just... I donno, OK?

Jack: Come on Liz I don't buy that, why are you so unhappy about this?

Liz: *huffs, then sighs* How come you didn't tell me about it? You tell me about like...all...your old missions.

Jack: Would you have wanted to hear about this?

Liz: Sure. *totally bluffing*

Jack: *eyebrow goes up*

Liz: * casual as can be* What? I would want to know. You're my husband. I LIKE knowing things you've done, is that so shocking?

Jack: *enjoying this more then he should* And you like to know if I've kissed anyone else too.

Liz: *narrow eyes* Did you kiss the tiny naked women, Jack?

Jack: * shifty eyes* Maybe....

Liz: *jawdrop, headtilt* OH, COME ON!

Jack: You asked.....

Liz: Please tell me you were at least shrunk at the time.

Jack: No and it was on the cheek.

Liz: Oh...well. *shrugs* Why wouldn't you want to tell me about that?

Jack: Because a kiss on the cheek of a 12 inch woman doesn't always look like a kiss on the cheek.

Liz: *tries not to snicker* You probably looked like you were getting ready to eat a doll's head. Johann would KILL you.

Jack: He forgave us because one came back for him to study.

Liz: You get a tiny female gremlin around the BPRD?*blink blink shock* What did she want to study anyway?

Jack: Human life mostly she was the curious sort.

Liz: Never figured Gremlins for intellectuals.

Jack: Just because they're small doesn't mean they don't have brains.

Liz: *eyeroll* I know that. i just figured they were into chaos and mischief like in the legend, that's all.

Jack: Some of them are but not all.

Liz: Guess this is one of those cases where things are really surprising, huh?

Jack: *nods* I wish I could have given her a job.

Liz: Why couldn't you?

Jack: She wouldn't wear clothes.

Liz: *just about dies laughing*

Jack: *laughs too*

Liz: *it takes her a bit, but finally she stops laughing long enough to ask* You couldn't find any clothes she'd wear?

Jack: Barbie clothes were too crass, she was into high fashion.

Liz: *eyebrow* You couldn't find someone to make them by hand for her like you do for me sometimes?

Jack: Because would you want to explain to Prada what you needed them for?

Liz: *wide eyes* She wanted Prada?

Jack: And Klein.

Liz: *snorts* Please don't tell me she wanted shoes, too.

Jack: *sheepishly* Yes.

Liz: *facepalm* Did she even know anything that was vital for us to learn? That sounds like...extortion!

Jack: Not really I don't even know why she picked us as it was.

Liz: Was she the only one that wanted to come back?

Jack: *nods* The others were very happy to be in that stores attic.

Liz: Question is was the owner of the store happy they were there?

Jack: They didn't know what they had at first, Red and I managed to work out a deal though, work for clothes sort of thing.

Liz: But the one we were talking about before was too good for the clothes, huh?

Jack: Nope she wanted the good stuff.

Liz: And the shop owner didn't get offended by that?

Jack: He had enough help with the others why would he?

Liz: *stares* They were helping him? I thought that was an...elf thing not a gremlin thing.

Jack: Magic is magic sweetheart you can use it anyway you want once you know how.

Liz: *confused scowl* You know I don't like magic, Jack. I don't...I don't get it.

Jack: I know I'm just making a point.

Liz: What IS your point, Jack?

Jack: You are scared of magic because it hurt you...magic wasn't hurting the shop owner so it was easier for her to understand it.

Liz: Wouldn't you be scared of it if it... *she pauses, frowning* I'm not as good at dealing with dying as you are, Jack.

Jack: I know honey....and just because I'm okay with magic I don't like all of it.

Liz: Yeah? *that's news to her*

Jack: I hate faeries for example.....the little ones drive me crazy.

Liz: Well, who wouldn't. *shivers* And that's different. I...shouldn't hate magic. I think Harry's feelings get hurt.

Jack: *smiles* Harry is very sensitive about what people think of him.

Liz: I tried not to freak out...really I did but then that stupid John Marcone was going on and on and on about shields and some shit and then he touched me and got all spacey and...and...he sounded just like... *shivers, looks away* Never mind. It's no big deal. *clearly lying* I'm fine.

Jack: *frowns he isn't going to forget this* John Marcone touched you and got spacy......what did Harry say after he did it?

Liz: *looks down and lowers her voice* He called me...vanilla, whatever that means. He said If I was afraid of magic I should just say so and then he tried to change the subject. Which...was good I guess.

Jack: Vanilla is Harry's way of meaning mortal....but you aren't. What did Marcone say?

Liz: *oh so twitchy* He said I wasn't...but... I am. I can die. *closes her eyes* He saw the fire. He said it was...or...I was beautiful and I shouldn’t be afraid and...he's....*kinda not sure she should tell him* I don't remember. *lying, again*

Jack: He saw the fire.....without you being on fire?

Liz: *very very slow nod, almost looks like she wants to cry* That's....because he's...*huffs* He's like Harry, isn't it? *simply*

Jack: *chuckles* A bit....yeah and he's managed to hide it for years....clever. Most of Chicago thinks he's mortal. What he was talking about was a Wizard's sight....it shows you people and things as they really are.

Liz: *sits down on the floor and wraps her arms around her knees* I didn't like it. If felt like...when... *she buries her head in her knees, unable to stop thinking about Russia, and Rasputin and when she died the first time so Jack will pick up on why she's upset* I know he's not like that. Harry wouldn't be with him if he was but...it still felt...so wrong.

Jack: It's not easy to live with no, but if he said you looked beautiful like that try to be glad....wizards never forget what they see with the sight....ever the good and the bad. And they see a hell of a lot more bad.

Liz: *has no idea what to say to that, because it's kind of unbelievable*

Jack: It's true...some wizards can go mad based on what they see.

Liz: *sniffles a bit* Then why would he do it?

Jack: *kneels and hugs her* He wanted to see you...understand you and give you a gift. John Marcone doesn't give away his secrets easily and he just gave you a big one.

Liz: *buries her head in his shoulder and hides* Why me? What the hell is so special about me?

Jack: You are amazing stubborn woman anyone can see that.

Liz: *chuckles against his shoulder, still clinging to him* You know you're the only man in the universe who can make stubborn sound like a good thing.

*she pulls back and sighs* Marcone...worries me, Jack. He's one of the bad guys...we're not supposed to just ignore the bad guys but Harry... *she coughs, hoping Jack takes the hint about how Liz thinks Harry feels about John.*

Jack: Sometimes stubborn can be a good thing, it's all how you look at it and yourself. *Jack sighs* Marcone is doing good in the midst of bad Liz, Chicago's underground is ten times better then it used to be. As for Harry, he and Marcone have been dancing around each other for 13 years.......but it's love....I can see it. Not only do they love each other, but they love their city too.

Liz: *she sighs too* Depends on your definition of better, Jack. Crime is still...crime. *she sighs again, holding him tightly. Liz can't explain why she's so protective of Harry after knowing him for such a short time, but she is* You've never been wrong about love before but... *she looks at Jack so he knows she's serious* He hurts Harry, he's not gonna like how I react to it.

Jack: *laughs* Trust me half of Chicago will be up his ass if he doesn't do right by Harry, Karrin Murphy will be first in line in fact.

Liz: *headtilt* What about you?

Jack: *grins* If I get a chance Max gets to stomp him to death.

Liz: That mean I won't get in trouble if I'm not all sweetness and light to Marcone? *looks up at him hopefully*

Jack: At least try to be nice....he is Harry's boyfriend.

Liz: Or, if you ask Harry, He's his...*teasing indistinct mumbling* It's kinda....cute the way Harry is about it.

Jack: *grins* They are adorable together almost like a romance novel. They've been giving off more pheromones then me over the years.

Liz: *eyeroll* You know how I feel about romance novels, Jack.

Jack: *laughs* I know but this isn't one of those trashy ones more like a Regency novel, misunderstandings, life saving and enough tension to heat up a room. The Baron is in want of a wizard.

Liz: *grins* Damn, you should work for a publisher writing summaries. I'd read that.

Jack: *rolls his eyes* I am not going to turn the office romances into novels honey.

Liz: Oh, why not? Change the names, make it a...newspaper instead of monster hunters. Bored housewives will eat it up. You'll make another billion. *teasing grin*

Jack: *laughs* Would that make you the intrepid girl reporter?

Liz: Depends...who would you be?

Jack: The playboy trying to buy Nathan's paper, which you work for.

Liz: Oh? *eyebrow* And where, exactly...does the romance portion of this novel come in?

Jack: Well there is the romance between John the editor of the other paper I own and your photographer Harry, either of them having dated men before and nervous about coming out. The romance between my secretary Amy and my enemy Nathan forbidden, dangerous and sexy. Kitty and John, the interns from both papers torn between taking sides and love.

And of course our passionate I love you I hate you secret romance.

Liz: *smirks and nods listening closely until he gets to the end* I love you...I hate you? *pouts* I could never hate you. Where'd you come up with that idea?

Jack: *grins* You can't just jump to the ending, there has to be some tension between everyone. Even us.


Liz: *shoves gently* Oh, you and your stupid no spoilers rule! *pouts* C'mon. Can't I have just a little hint?

Jack; *laughs* It's not all written yet.

Liz: *teasing eyeroll* Artists...

Liz:*smacks his arm* It's not funny. Don't you at least have some idea how the tumultuous romance ends up?

Jack: With a happily ever after of course.

Liz: *eyeroll* God, you are so cheesy. *and sweet, but she won't say that bit out loud even though she can't stop smiling*

Jack: Is that a bad thing?

Liz: Don't know yet. I need more data to make up my mind. *srs nod* What other ideas do you have?

Jack: The pirate one but I can't fit Amy into that one.

Liz: Pirates? *eyebrow* Kinda jumping a bandwagon there, aren't you?

Jack: Gotta make sure everyone is covered.

Liz: *teasing* Why don't you just throw in a few parkly vampires, really round the story out.

Jack: *gay man voice* Honey those are so last year.

Liz: *snickers and covers his mouth* Don't you know ANYTHING about woman? Toss a broody undead hot guy in there and they won't be able to keep the book in stock.

Jack: *licks her palm*

Liz: *squeals and pulls back scowling* I'll take that as 'Yes, dear. I know nothing about women.'

Jack:Or "please take your hand away from my mouth so I can answer the question."

Liz: You could have just moved my hand. You didn't have to lick me.

Jack:Licking was more fun.

Liz: *smirk* You always say that...and you're right, but still.

Jack:*grins* I swear I won't lick your hand anymore.

Liz: *OMG epic pout!* But...I like it. Just...not my hand. Hands are so boring.

Jack:*smug grin* Told you you liked it.

Liz: *more pouting* But not on my hand...that's so gross!

Jack:It is not.

Liz: Do you know there my hand has been! *pauses* Come to think of it where has your tongue been?

Jack: You know where my hand has been.

Liz: *foldy arms* ...and what about your tongue?

Jack:You know where that's been too.

Liz: *thinky face* True...not like you can hide anything sneaky from me anymore. *victory smirk*

Jack:*laughs*

Liz: *shrugs, trying to keep a straight face*

Jack: *laughs more* You look so cute right now.

Liz: *and now she's scowling* I do not!

Jack: Yes you are.

Liz: *does everything she can think of that is not cute, yet not actually gross*

Jack: Still cute.

Liz: *shoves him, not hard though* Stop it. I am not!

Jack: Yes you are.

Liz: What do I have to do to make you think I'm NOT cute?

Jack: Nothing, you are adorable no matter what.

Liz: Even when I'm covered in slime?

Jack: Even then.

Liz: You're just saying that because I have to shower after I get covered.

Jack: I am not.

Liz: *blinks* Really?

Jack: Yep....the shower part is nice, but the fact that you are still willing to get slime on you, when I know you hate it matters more.

Liz: *chews on her lip* As if I'd let you go out there and get covered in slime all by yourself. It's...dangerous.

Jack: But then you get to wash my hair.

Liz: * twitches a little thinking about that* I'm trying to have a serious...conversation here.

Jack: We were?

Liz: *huffs and takes her jacket off because it's getting hot in here, or something.* Yes. The tiny naked women, remember? Someone thought they saw them and I was asking you about them.

Jack: We talked about that remember.

Liz: So...you're not just changing the subject?

Jack: I am not.

Liz: Cross your heart, hope to...whatever?

Jack: Cross my heart.

Liz: Good. *grins*