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open_flameJack: *walks into the bedroom*
Liz: *half crumpled under the covers, three softball sizes fireballs juggling about her head trying to ignore that @captain_flyboy is even there*
Jack: *softly* Liz, you awake?
Liz: *sarcasm/bitchy voice* No, I'm juggling fire in my sleep. I'm -that- good. *puts the fire out and sighs* Where are the boys?
Jack: On the beach hunting for shells. *sits on the bed* Liz....
Liz: Good. They promised everyone they'd bring back something for them. *kind of hating the way her name sounds coming out of his mouth. It sounds...nice* You said...my name already. *stares at the ceiling* Scared you're gonna forget it or something?
Jack: No just trying to choose my words carefully. I screwed up Liz.....
Liz: No shit...*Not gonna get upset. Will not. Bad for the baby...bad for...everyone* Sorry
Jack: I mean it Liz. I screwed up with Amy and Nathan and I screwed up with us.
Liz: *snorts* You're just figuring this out NOW? *closes her eyes & takes many deep breaths* You KNOW what the Doctor says about spoilers, Jack! *why yes, she IS avoiding the 'I screwed up with us' part of that statement* You had no right to tell Ames what you did. -None!
Jack: No I didn't and I asked Amy for her forgiveness.
Liz: *impassive* What'd she say?
Jack: She forgave me.
Liz: *slow nod, still staring at the ceiling* Good. Least that worked out. *emotionless, which is difficult*
Jack: *carefully, slowly measuring his words* Liz I'm sorry. I've hurt you too you and the boys.
Liz: *That tone doesn't help. It's the same tone ppl use on her when they think she's going to explode* You're...sorry? *huffs but finally looks at him, very coldly* You're -ALWAYS- sorry, Jack. But you know what, you never change anything so you don't have to be sorry all over again, do you? *makes fireballs again, so she doesn't get pissed. They're very erratic*
Jack:*he sighs and slowly pulls something out from his pocket a perfect blue lily* I saw this floating alone and thought of you delicate, beautiful and yet strong. Do you realize how lucky I feel when I wake up next to you?
Liz: *softens, just a touch* That's.... *staring at the flower* I know...every single lily species in the world. I've never seen those before. *mentally pushes the fireball aside and sits up, trying to hide that her fingers are shaking* Can I...um... May I...please?*Ok, so she's scared to actually reach out and take the lily because she'd have to get closer to him.*
Jack: *he slowly and gently pushes the flower closer* Go ahead.
Liz:*takes her a moment to realize she's not breathing* Thank you. *quickly, almost frighteningly snatches it from him* Thanks.
Jack:*slides back to give her room* You're welcome Liz. I hope you like it.
Liz: very, very slowly spins this in her hand* I...love it. It's perfect,
Jack: *smiles* Like you.
Liz: *snorts* I am -not- perfect. No where close to it. *and finally, finally she look at him* 'specially not lately.
Jack:*A gentle smile* We've both been less that perfect
Liz: *Almost, -almost- smiles back, but...that REALLY hurts* Yeah, *tosses the flower on what would be Jack's pillow if they were at home* Always have been, haven't we? *sighs and pulls her knees to her chest* Are we....doomed?
Jack: Liz....why would you think that?
Liz: *As if she's reading a mission report* Because 50% of average American marriages end in divorce and....we're...not...very *her lip quivers and she buries herself under the covers so he can't see her cry* We're so NOT average! Not at all!
Jack: *moves closer and slides his fingers under her chin* Liz look at me. Please?
Liz: *twitches, it's hard to tell if it's a good or bad twitch* I...can't. *squeezes her eyes shut as if it will stop the crying*
Jack:*even softer almost begging* Liz please I need you to look at me.
Liz: *she's shivering, like she's encased in ice* I can't. It... *Great, she's already against the wall, nowhere to go* IT HURTS!
Jack: I know...Liz I know but I don't want to talk to you without looking you in the eye, that's wrong.
Liz: *gasps back tears and nods* OK...OK. *looks him dead in the eyes for ages and then...* Do you still love me?
Jack: *shocked expression* Of course I do. I never stopped Liz ever.
Liz: *Looks just as shocked* Why? Why...do you love me? -HOW-...can you love me if you're...running away from me again? From us?
Jack: Liz I'm not running away from you. I was tying to figure out how to calm HIM, without scaring you or the kids.
Liz: *very angry expression* He doesn't scare me, Jack. And you know exactly what happens to ANYONE who threatens our children.
Jack: I couldn't take that risk Liz, the occasion was so out of control. It frightened me.
Liz:*still angry* Did you think I wouldn't understand that, how that feels? Me? ME of all people, Jack? *headshake* If there is ANYONE in your life who would understand having a part of you that terrifies the everliving FUCK out of you , it's me!
Jack: *sighs* He beat Amy up simply because she pissed him off. That's never happened before. Ever there was always a reason before.
Liz: *scowls* I know...I talked to him, remember?
Jack: And yet you never told me what he said.
Liz: *frowns* Nothing....*lying* He....didn't really say much...of...anything about the... incident with Amy. *Just a bunch of stuff about how much Liz doesn't understand Jack and isn't what he needs* He was very... *drops her head* uninformative.
Jack:*eyebrow raise* Please tell me anyway.
Liz: *dismissive* It's no big deal....he just...was trying to shake me up. *and he did, so much*
Jack: *sighs* Please Liz I need and want you to tell me what he said.
Liz: *goes for the easy part first; the whole Amy thing* He said it was a rage. Not like normal anger. He said...it was indescribably, he couldn't name it. *twitches more and wraps her arms around her knees* He said her empathy pushed his...your...telepathic barriers.*shudders* It wasn't SUPPOSED to happen ...ever...but it did, and that...should scare me.
Jack: My barriers shouldn't be that weak and yet Amy can feel me from across the building. I thought it might be stress, but I don't that's why another reason I felt a change of scene would help me. But I didn't realize how much it would hurt us. I honestly didn't Liz and I wish you had said something then. Why didn't you?
Liz: Goes to shrug, but knows that's not gonna work* He...said that...*hardly audible* I should read your file and that I...*blinks back tears again* That I wasn't....being what you needed. That he had to protect you because I wasn't doing it good enough. So I figured I'd just let him...take care of you since I can't. *fully crying now, not even trying to hide it*
Jack: Liz all he does is take care of me when I'm emotional gone. He doesn't take care of me the way you can. He doesn't push me and and kiss me good morning and make me my favorite breakfast, He's not you the only person who really takes care of me.
Liz: *only cries harder* -I- am supposed to be the one that takes care of you when you're...*huffs* emotionally gone! Not...him. He doesn't DO emotional, it's impossible! *headshake, presses against the wall as far as she can* I screw up the spices. Too much ginger. Not enough cinnamon. I...can't even get ONE stupid breakfast right.
Jack: *Jack tenses* Liz would you please LISTEN TO ME. I LOVE YOU, not him not Ianto not anyone else just you. I am not going to leave you because you ruin my breakfast, or anything else. I want you as you are because that's what love is. I am not going to leave forever because it would kill me. I will always come back.
Liz: I won't be here forever! You will....and I won't. *Doesn't want to think about it, but hey, now it's RIGHT THERE* Someday -soon- I am going to be too old to fuck up your breakfast! You're going to stay the same and I'm going to get old...and *choking on her own tears* I already need fucking glasses half the time, just like my mother did and...that's just the start. What about...sex? What about...everything? What about when I'm...too old for you love me anymore!?
Jack: I don't love you because of the sex. I love you because you're you, dammit. I would love you if you were 100 and needed me to help you walk. I never stop loving anyone because they get old....I just love them. Do you understand? I will love you forever and I will never, ever forget you. You or our boys. And do you want to know why? Because you are smart and funny and you put up with me coming home late and you love cake. And you make my pumpkin pancakes even though you don't like pumpkin. You let me bring a strange cat home and barely yelled at me. You give me someone beautiful to come home to and you tease me when I check planes for gremlins. *he takes a deep breath* What else do I need to say that will get my point across....please because I have more.
Liz: I....*speechless, still crying but for an entirely different reason* You... *Tackles him and kisses him hard enough to make their lips burn, to make her soul ache. She can't pull away, even for air, even when she gets so lightheaded she has to push all her weight onto him to keep from collapsing. It's as if he'll drift away if she doesn't show him exactly what she needs , exactly what she's feeling, and she won't...she can't let that happen. Not now, not ever again.*
Jack: *Jack doesn't hesitate but kisses back as soon as their lips touch, rough and hot his hands tangling in her hair as if it was his only life line. He lets her weight push him back even though he could easily take control. He wants this, needs this, needs his wife to understand he belongs to her as much as she belongs to him*
Liz: I'm sorry...*it's half whispered/half pleaded. There's no possible way she can ever find the right words to tell him how sorry she is, how foolish she feels about how they've both acted. She can't describe how lost she'd been without him, how empty and meaningless her life felt. But she can show him. She can make him feel and understand that he's the only man who's ever really mattered to her, and the only one who ever will.* You locked the door, right?
Jack:*he pulls away for a moment and smiles, that slow amused smile that has been missing from his face for so long* Of course I did you would think by now you wouldn't have to ask that question. *he says as he moves in to start kissing her neck*
Liz: *That smile, that damned smile of his that makes her knees turn to mush and her head spin more than any drug they ever threw down her throat at that damned mental hospital* Never can tell with you. *the feeling of his lips on her skin, so soft but so rough all in one that is makes her whole body prickle with goosebumps* God, I missed you so much. *she tries so hard to keep calm, gentle, and careful, but it's proving difficult. * I'm supposed to be on bed rest...remember?
Jack:*softly* We can go slowly Liz don't worry. *keeps kissing her gently* I missed you so much. I need to show you how much.
Liz:*shakes her head* I'm not worried. *pulls one of her arms from his neck and slides her fingers up his shirt* I trust you...*pulls away just enough to pull off his shirt, then wraps her arms around him again.* Show me...tell me...I don't care. Just...*kisses him softy* Just be here with me. That's all I need. It's all I've ever needed.
Liz: *half crumpled under the covers, three softball sizes fireballs juggling about her head trying to ignore that @captain_flyboy is even there*
Jack: *softly* Liz, you awake?
Liz: *sarcasm/bitchy voice* No, I'm juggling fire in my sleep. I'm -that- good. *puts the fire out and sighs* Where are the boys?
Jack: On the beach hunting for shells. *sits on the bed* Liz....
Liz: Good. They promised everyone they'd bring back something for them. *kind of hating the way her name sounds coming out of his mouth. It sounds...nice* You said...my name already. *stares at the ceiling* Scared you're gonna forget it or something?
Jack: No just trying to choose my words carefully. I screwed up Liz.....
Liz: No shit...*Not gonna get upset. Will not. Bad for the baby...bad for...everyone* Sorry
Jack: I mean it Liz. I screwed up with Amy and Nathan and I screwed up with us.
Liz: *snorts* You're just figuring this out NOW? *closes her eyes & takes many deep breaths* You KNOW what the Doctor says about spoilers, Jack! *why yes, she IS avoiding the 'I screwed up with us' part of that statement* You had no right to tell Ames what you did. -None!
Jack: No I didn't and I asked Amy for her forgiveness.
Liz: *impassive* What'd she say?
Jack: She forgave me.
Liz: *slow nod, still staring at the ceiling* Good. Least that worked out. *emotionless, which is difficult*
Jack: *carefully, slowly measuring his words* Liz I'm sorry. I've hurt you too you and the boys.
Liz: *That tone doesn't help. It's the same tone ppl use on her when they think she's going to explode* You're...sorry? *huffs but finally looks at him, very coldly* You're -ALWAYS- sorry, Jack. But you know what, you never change anything so you don't have to be sorry all over again, do you? *makes fireballs again, so she doesn't get pissed. They're very erratic*
Jack:*he sighs and slowly pulls something out from his pocket a perfect blue lily* I saw this floating alone and thought of you delicate, beautiful and yet strong. Do you realize how lucky I feel when I wake up next to you?
Liz: *softens, just a touch* That's.... *staring at the flower* I know...every single lily species in the world. I've never seen those before. *mentally pushes the fireball aside and sits up, trying to hide that her fingers are shaking* Can I...um... May I...please?*Ok, so she's scared to actually reach out and take the lily because she'd have to get closer to him.*
Jack: *he slowly and gently pushes the flower closer* Go ahead.
Liz:*takes her a moment to realize she's not breathing* Thank you. *quickly, almost frighteningly snatches it from him* Thanks.
Jack:*slides back to give her room* You're welcome Liz. I hope you like it.
Liz: very, very slowly spins this in her hand* I...love it. It's perfect,
Jack: *smiles* Like you.
Liz: *snorts* I am -not- perfect. No where close to it. *and finally, finally she look at him* 'specially not lately.
Jack:*A gentle smile* We've both been less that perfect
Liz: *Almost, -almost- smiles back, but...that REALLY hurts* Yeah, *tosses the flower on what would be Jack's pillow if they were at home* Always have been, haven't we? *sighs and pulls her knees to her chest* Are we....doomed?
Jack: Liz....why would you think that?
Liz: *As if she's reading a mission report* Because 50% of average American marriages end in divorce and....we're...not...very *her lip quivers and she buries herself under the covers so he can't see her cry* We're so NOT average! Not at all!
Jack: *moves closer and slides his fingers under her chin* Liz look at me. Please?
Liz: *twitches, it's hard to tell if it's a good or bad twitch* I...can't. *squeezes her eyes shut as if it will stop the crying*
Jack:*even softer almost begging* Liz please I need you to look at me.
Liz: *she's shivering, like she's encased in ice* I can't. It... *Great, she's already against the wall, nowhere to go* IT HURTS!
Jack: I know...Liz I know but I don't want to talk to you without looking you in the eye, that's wrong.
Liz: *gasps back tears and nods* OK...OK. *looks him dead in the eyes for ages and then...* Do you still love me?
Jack: *shocked expression* Of course I do. I never stopped Liz ever.
Liz: *Looks just as shocked* Why? Why...do you love me? -HOW-...can you love me if you're...running away from me again? From us?
Jack: Liz I'm not running away from you. I was tying to figure out how to calm HIM, without scaring you or the kids.
Liz: *very angry expression* He doesn't scare me, Jack. And you know exactly what happens to ANYONE who threatens our children.
Jack: I couldn't take that risk Liz, the occasion was so out of control. It frightened me.
Liz:*still angry* Did you think I wouldn't understand that, how that feels? Me? ME of all people, Jack? *headshake* If there is ANYONE in your life who would understand having a part of you that terrifies the everliving FUCK out of you , it's me!
Jack: *sighs* He beat Amy up simply because she pissed him off. That's never happened before. Ever there was always a reason before.
Liz: *scowls* I know...I talked to him, remember?
Jack: And yet you never told me what he said.
Liz: *frowns* Nothing....*lying* He....didn't really say much...of...anything about the... incident with Amy. *Just a bunch of stuff about how much Liz doesn't understand Jack and isn't what he needs* He was very... *drops her head* uninformative.
Jack:*eyebrow raise* Please tell me anyway.
Liz: *dismissive* It's no big deal....he just...was trying to shake me up. *and he did, so much*
Jack: *sighs* Please Liz I need and want you to tell me what he said.
Liz: *goes for the easy part first; the whole Amy thing* He said it was a rage. Not like normal anger. He said...it was indescribably, he couldn't name it. *twitches more and wraps her arms around her knees* He said her empathy pushed his...your...telepathic barriers.*shudders* It wasn't SUPPOSED to happen ...ever...but it did, and that...should scare me.
Jack: My barriers shouldn't be that weak and yet Amy can feel me from across the building. I thought it might be stress, but I don't that's why another reason I felt a change of scene would help me. But I didn't realize how much it would hurt us. I honestly didn't Liz and I wish you had said something then. Why didn't you?
Liz: Goes to shrug, but knows that's not gonna work* He...said that...*hardly audible* I should read your file and that I...*blinks back tears again* That I wasn't....being what you needed. That he had to protect you because I wasn't doing it good enough. So I figured I'd just let him...take care of you since I can't. *fully crying now, not even trying to hide it*
Jack: Liz all he does is take care of me when I'm emotional gone. He doesn't take care of me the way you can. He doesn't push me and and kiss me good morning and make me my favorite breakfast, He's not you the only person who really takes care of me.
Liz: *only cries harder* -I- am supposed to be the one that takes care of you when you're...*huffs* emotionally gone! Not...him. He doesn't DO emotional, it's impossible! *headshake, presses against the wall as far as she can* I screw up the spices. Too much ginger. Not enough cinnamon. I...can't even get ONE stupid breakfast right.
Jack: *Jack tenses* Liz would you please LISTEN TO ME. I LOVE YOU, not him not Ianto not anyone else just you. I am not going to leave you because you ruin my breakfast, or anything else. I want you as you are because that's what love is. I am not going to leave forever because it would kill me. I will always come back.
Liz: I won't be here forever! You will....and I won't. *Doesn't want to think about it, but hey, now it's RIGHT THERE* Someday -soon- I am going to be too old to fuck up your breakfast! You're going to stay the same and I'm going to get old...and *choking on her own tears* I already need fucking glasses half the time, just like my mother did and...that's just the start. What about...sex? What about...everything? What about when I'm...too old for you love me anymore!?
Jack: I don't love you because of the sex. I love you because you're you, dammit. I would love you if you were 100 and needed me to help you walk. I never stop loving anyone because they get old....I just love them. Do you understand? I will love you forever and I will never, ever forget you. You or our boys. And do you want to know why? Because you are smart and funny and you put up with me coming home late and you love cake. And you make my pumpkin pancakes even though you don't like pumpkin. You let me bring a strange cat home and barely yelled at me. You give me someone beautiful to come home to and you tease me when I check planes for gremlins. *he takes a deep breath* What else do I need to say that will get my point across....please because I have more.
Liz: I....*speechless, still crying but for an entirely different reason* You... *Tackles him and kisses him hard enough to make their lips burn, to make her soul ache. She can't pull away, even for air, even when she gets so lightheaded she has to push all her weight onto him to keep from collapsing. It's as if he'll drift away if she doesn't show him exactly what she needs , exactly what she's feeling, and she won't...she can't let that happen. Not now, not ever again.*
Jack: *Jack doesn't hesitate but kisses back as soon as their lips touch, rough and hot his hands tangling in her hair as if it was his only life line. He lets her weight push him back even though he could easily take control. He wants this, needs this, needs his wife to understand he belongs to her as much as she belongs to him*
Liz: I'm sorry...*it's half whispered/half pleaded. There's no possible way she can ever find the right words to tell him how sorry she is, how foolish she feels about how they've both acted. She can't describe how lost she'd been without him, how empty and meaningless her life felt. But she can show him. She can make him feel and understand that he's the only man who's ever really mattered to her, and the only one who ever will.* You locked the door, right?
Jack:*he pulls away for a moment and smiles, that slow amused smile that has been missing from his face for so long* Of course I did you would think by now you wouldn't have to ask that question. *he says as he moves in to start kissing her neck*
Liz: *That smile, that damned smile of his that makes her knees turn to mush and her head spin more than any drug they ever threw down her throat at that damned mental hospital* Never can tell with you. *the feeling of his lips on her skin, so soft but so rough all in one that is makes her whole body prickle with goosebumps* God, I missed you so much. *she tries so hard to keep calm, gentle, and careful, but it's proving difficult. * I'm supposed to be on bed rest...remember?
Jack:*softly* We can go slowly Liz don't worry. *keeps kissing her gently* I missed you so much. I need to show you how much.
Liz:*shakes her head* I'm not worried. *pulls one of her arms from his neck and slides her fingers up his shirt* I trust you...*pulls away just enough to pull off his shirt, then wraps her arms around him again.* Show me...tell me...I don't care. Just...*kisses him softy* Just be here with me. That's all I need. It's all I've ever needed.
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