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open_flameCharacters: Liz Sherman/Hellboy, Jack Harkness, mentions of John Myers and Kitty Pryde
Fandom: Hellboy, Torchwood (Bump in the Night Verse)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1800
Setting: Events that take place in the last 5 minutes of the Hellboy Movie, which can be seen in its original version here. Tweeking it to be Bump!Verse style and set up the thread here. The "I'm not worth it" bit it from here.
AN: Hellboy movie spoilers.
Liz…
It cold here, so damn cold and dark and I don’t even know where here is. The last thing I remember thinking was Red’s going to die, really die from all those Hellhound monsters like he chased the night he came to Bellemie. Myers and I were screaming after he shoved Kitty through the wall to keep her safe, and I was trying so hard to make the fire do something useful like I used to be able to and the next thing I know…
Liz…
I try to say something, anything, but I’m lost. I’m stuck and I can’t break free, like they gave me to many drugs and I can’t wake up.
Let her go!
I feel like someone’s tied a rope around my waist, pulling me out of the ocean, or someplace dark and cold. When I gasp like that, for half a second I panic, wondering if this is what Jack feels like every damn time he dies. The cold and the black empty nothingness. No sound, no… anything. It’s awful. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone someone I love.
I open my eyes when I realize I can, expecting to see someone who isn’t there. At least not right there. I was sure of it; I was sure that after everything we’d been though, when I was dead…dying, whatever this was, Jack would save me. He promised, he promised nothing would ever hurt me.
It takes me just a second, not even a second to realize what happened and everything, everything comes crashing down into place. Red is standing in front of me with his hand out. He has a look of relief on his face that’s not just relief but…love. He’s smiling. He’s bleeding and he’s broken and I don’t even know where the hell we are but Red is smiling, like someone just brought the most important thing in the world back to him.
I’ll never give up on you…ever.
My eyes dart over for a moment, just enough to catch a glimpse of Jack, Kitty and the new guy, Myers. Everyone's bleeding, except Kitty, and I have no idea what the hell is going on. I keep my eyes on Jack, just enough to see him looking…angry… sad… I don’t even know. I can never tell what Jack is feeling anymore. I used to be able to. Time was, Jack and I told each other everything but then there was that stupid kiss before I went to the Temple in Agartha and when he came back, everything was different. I love him, and in the moment I realized I loved him, everything changed.
The fact that we used to be so close, damn near inseparable until that mission torn at me in a way nothing else ever did. Not killing my parents, not killing those agents in Pittsburgh, hell not even blowing up Bellemie a few days ago. I hoped, that silly little part of me that said maybe, maybe it didn’t matter that I’m just a girl and Jack’s so much more than a man. That maybe if we tried, we could make it work. In spite of everything, if we loved each other enough, it would all be worth it. I might not be immortal, and I may have never had a boyfriend or done much else but kiss someone, but I know what love is, and I know it’s worth anything.
But then…
I’m not worth it.
I hear what Jack said in the back of my head, and…I can’t keep looking at him. I just can’t. I drop my head and for the briefest of moments consider wrapping that sheet or whatever around me and running away again. Where I’d go, it doesn’t matter. Jack doesn’t love me, and I can’t…take it. I’m near tears when I feel a hand on my face, so gently and so strong and so familiar…
“Red?” I take a shuddered breath and look in to his eyes. Those big, sad eyes that scare so many people when they meet him. But not me, I grew out of being scared of Red years ago.
He pulls me to my feet, more gently than someone who doesn’t know him would expect, but I expect it. His arms are wrapped around me in an instant, both arms, holding me so tightly. I don’t think I could stand on my own two feet right now. I hug him back, clinging to him like I’ll fade back into the nothingness again if I let him go. I bury my head in his arm, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him. I take a few more deep breaths, just to make sure I’m really alive before I speak again. “In the dark, I heard your voice.” I don’t tell him I thought it was Jack’s voice. I don’t say that …I wish it were Jack and not him that saved my life. I pull away, just enough so I can look in Red’s eyes again. “What did you say?” I have to know…
“I…” He’s speechless. I’m not expecting it, that’s for sure. Not anymore than I was expecting Jack to be speechless at Broom’s funeral. That’s my thing…being indecisive and afraid that what I’ll say will screw everything up.
I watch Red’s lips, if only to not have to look at Jack and Myers. What did he say, why doesn’t he want to say it again?
Then, like I expected him to, Red smiles. That cocky smile that he gets, that’s even a little bit cute, more so if you really know him. And I know him, better than most. I think Jack, Clay and his father are the only ones who know Hellboy better than me and two out of those three are dead.
He drops his head, that big thick skull of his right on top of mine as his arms pull me tighter than I thought was possible. The only other person in the world who’s ever hugged me like that is Jack, and I have to admit, Red can hug a hell of a lot tighter than Jack can.
Red whispers it, as if he’s ashamed or embarrassed or afraid. “I said, ‘Hey, you on the other side. Let her go!’” He chuckles and I can’t help smiling. Leave it to Hellboy to threaten the legions of Hell for a life as insignificant as mine.
“Because for…” he breaks off again, his voice trembles and eyes dart away from mine. I open my mouth to say something, but Red shakes his head, just enough for me to close my mouth again. I blink, still staring at him, unable to look away. He’s so close I can feel him breathing. I can smell the cigars he always smokes. His lips are so close to mine…so very close. Half and inch and I could…but I shouldn’t. I can’t…kiss him. I tell myself to move, but I don’t pull away.
I swallow hard, as if it will give one of us the courage to say something. Of course, he’s braver than I am. He raises his head, a few gently shakes as if he’s trying to knock away the last of that fear or doubt. I take another breath. I can wait all day if I have to. I can wait. But I can’t look over to Jack or Myers. I can’t take my eyes off Red. For the first time ever, he’s the center of my universe. He finally says it. “…for her, I’ll cross over. And then you’ll be sorry.”
He’d…what…?
My lips twist into a frown, part of me so guilty that him of all people would risk Hell, the one place he’s been avoiding for 60 years, for his entire life. He’d walk through the depth of the one place that could break him forever…for me?
I can’t breathe. I can’t speak or breathe or do anything. Red’s still got his arms around me, and after a while, and what feels like my entire life running though my head, I smile. Not because I’m alive, or because Red’s making jokes but because… he loves me. He’ll…never give up on me.
My eyes flash away for just a second again, a glance that I don’t even know if Jack can see. I know he’s listening, or at the very least watching. My lips quiver as I wait…wait for Jack to say something. Something that’s going to get that voice of his out of my head, the voice that keeps saying I’m not worth it.
But he doesn’t. He just stands there like he always does. The strong leader. The fearless protector. The lonely hero.
I turn my eyes away again, because I can’t take it anymore. Red hasn’t moved an inch. I wonder if he even noticed me looking at Jack or if he’s going to pass out from spilling his guts like that. Red never was much of a talker, not about important things anyway. But I know what he meant. I know why he did it and despite my better judgment, I stand on the tips of my toes and press my lips on his. Just for a moment, I tell myself but it doesn’t work out that way. Nothing every works out the way I hope it will.
I’ve wished and I’ve hoped and waited for Jack to say something to me like Red just did. Something that means all this love I’ve been holding onto for years isn’t a waste. That there’s someone who wants me, someone who’s willing to take that love from me, and love me back. I wanted it to be Jack more than anything in the world, but…he can’t. I fight back tears; sad angry guilty tears, and in spite of my best efforts, I can’t keep the fire in. Thank God Hellboy’s fireproof.
I know Jack’s the type of man who will just ask for what he wants. If he wanted me, if he really wanted me, he’d have said something…years ago. Why would he wait? If he loved me, the way Red loves me, Jack wouldn’t wait to say something. He’d just say it. He wouldn’t mess around and waste time on what ifs and second guesses.
Jack Harkness would not wait.
And it’s in that moment I realize that I can’t either, not when someone is here, now, willing to love me like I need to be loved, even if I don’t think I love him. Not like that anyway. Not…yet.
But…I can’t keep waiting for the rest of my life for something I can never have.
Jack’s …not worth it.
Fandom: Hellboy, Torchwood (Bump in the Night Verse)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1800
Setting: Events that take place in the last 5 minutes of the Hellboy Movie, which can be seen in its original version here. Tweeking it to be Bump!Verse style and set up the thread here. The "I'm not worth it" bit it from here.
AN: Hellboy movie spoilers.
Liz…
It cold here, so damn cold and dark and I don’t even know where here is. The last thing I remember thinking was Red’s going to die, really die from all those Hellhound monsters like he chased the night he came to Bellemie. Myers and I were screaming after he shoved Kitty through the wall to keep her safe, and I was trying so hard to make the fire do something useful like I used to be able to and the next thing I know…
Liz…
I try to say something, anything, but I’m lost. I’m stuck and I can’t break free, like they gave me to many drugs and I can’t wake up.
Let her go!
I feel like someone’s tied a rope around my waist, pulling me out of the ocean, or someplace dark and cold. When I gasp like that, for half a second I panic, wondering if this is what Jack feels like every damn time he dies. The cold and the black empty nothingness. No sound, no… anything. It’s awful. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone someone I love.
I open my eyes when I realize I can, expecting to see someone who isn’t there. At least not right there. I was sure of it; I was sure that after everything we’d been though, when I was dead…dying, whatever this was, Jack would save me. He promised, he promised nothing would ever hurt me.
It takes me just a second, not even a second to realize what happened and everything, everything comes crashing down into place. Red is standing in front of me with his hand out. He has a look of relief on his face that’s not just relief but…love. He’s smiling. He’s bleeding and he’s broken and I don’t even know where the hell we are but Red is smiling, like someone just brought the most important thing in the world back to him.
I’ll never give up on you…ever.
My eyes dart over for a moment, just enough to catch a glimpse of Jack, Kitty and the new guy, Myers. Everyone's bleeding, except Kitty, and I have no idea what the hell is going on. I keep my eyes on Jack, just enough to see him looking…angry… sad… I don’t even know. I can never tell what Jack is feeling anymore. I used to be able to. Time was, Jack and I told each other everything but then there was that stupid kiss before I went to the Temple in Agartha and when he came back, everything was different. I love him, and in the moment I realized I loved him, everything changed.
The fact that we used to be so close, damn near inseparable until that mission torn at me in a way nothing else ever did. Not killing my parents, not killing those agents in Pittsburgh, hell not even blowing up Bellemie a few days ago. I hoped, that silly little part of me that said maybe, maybe it didn’t matter that I’m just a girl and Jack’s so much more than a man. That maybe if we tried, we could make it work. In spite of everything, if we loved each other enough, it would all be worth it. I might not be immortal, and I may have never had a boyfriend or done much else but kiss someone, but I know what love is, and I know it’s worth anything.
But then…
I’m not worth it.
I hear what Jack said in the back of my head, and…I can’t keep looking at him. I just can’t. I drop my head and for the briefest of moments consider wrapping that sheet or whatever around me and running away again. Where I’d go, it doesn’t matter. Jack doesn’t love me, and I can’t…take it. I’m near tears when I feel a hand on my face, so gently and so strong and so familiar…
“Red?” I take a shuddered breath and look in to his eyes. Those big, sad eyes that scare so many people when they meet him. But not me, I grew out of being scared of Red years ago.
He pulls me to my feet, more gently than someone who doesn’t know him would expect, but I expect it. His arms are wrapped around me in an instant, both arms, holding me so tightly. I don’t think I could stand on my own two feet right now. I hug him back, clinging to him like I’ll fade back into the nothingness again if I let him go. I bury my head in his arm, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him. I take a few more deep breaths, just to make sure I’m really alive before I speak again. “In the dark, I heard your voice.” I don’t tell him I thought it was Jack’s voice. I don’t say that …I wish it were Jack and not him that saved my life. I pull away, just enough so I can look in Red’s eyes again. “What did you say?” I have to know…
“I…” He’s speechless. I’m not expecting it, that’s for sure. Not anymore than I was expecting Jack to be speechless at Broom’s funeral. That’s my thing…being indecisive and afraid that what I’ll say will screw everything up.
I watch Red’s lips, if only to not have to look at Jack and Myers. What did he say, why doesn’t he want to say it again?
Then, like I expected him to, Red smiles. That cocky smile that he gets, that’s even a little bit cute, more so if you really know him. And I know him, better than most. I think Jack, Clay and his father are the only ones who know Hellboy better than me and two out of those three are dead.
He drops his head, that big thick skull of his right on top of mine as his arms pull me tighter than I thought was possible. The only other person in the world who’s ever hugged me like that is Jack, and I have to admit, Red can hug a hell of a lot tighter than Jack can.
Red whispers it, as if he’s ashamed or embarrassed or afraid. “I said, ‘Hey, you on the other side. Let her go!’” He chuckles and I can’t help smiling. Leave it to Hellboy to threaten the legions of Hell for a life as insignificant as mine.
“Because for…” he breaks off again, his voice trembles and eyes dart away from mine. I open my mouth to say something, but Red shakes his head, just enough for me to close my mouth again. I blink, still staring at him, unable to look away. He’s so close I can feel him breathing. I can smell the cigars he always smokes. His lips are so close to mine…so very close. Half and inch and I could…but I shouldn’t. I can’t…kiss him. I tell myself to move, but I don’t pull away.
I swallow hard, as if it will give one of us the courage to say something. Of course, he’s braver than I am. He raises his head, a few gently shakes as if he’s trying to knock away the last of that fear or doubt. I take another breath. I can wait all day if I have to. I can wait. But I can’t look over to Jack or Myers. I can’t take my eyes off Red. For the first time ever, he’s the center of my universe. He finally says it. “…for her, I’ll cross over. And then you’ll be sorry.”
He’d…what…?
My lips twist into a frown, part of me so guilty that him of all people would risk Hell, the one place he’s been avoiding for 60 years, for his entire life. He’d walk through the depth of the one place that could break him forever…for me?
I can’t breathe. I can’t speak or breathe or do anything. Red’s still got his arms around me, and after a while, and what feels like my entire life running though my head, I smile. Not because I’m alive, or because Red’s making jokes but because… he loves me. He’ll…never give up on me.
My eyes flash away for just a second again, a glance that I don’t even know if Jack can see. I know he’s listening, or at the very least watching. My lips quiver as I wait…wait for Jack to say something. Something that’s going to get that voice of his out of my head, the voice that keeps saying I’m not worth it.
But he doesn’t. He just stands there like he always does. The strong leader. The fearless protector. The lonely hero.
I turn my eyes away again, because I can’t take it anymore. Red hasn’t moved an inch. I wonder if he even noticed me looking at Jack or if he’s going to pass out from spilling his guts like that. Red never was much of a talker, not about important things anyway. But I know what he meant. I know why he did it and despite my better judgment, I stand on the tips of my toes and press my lips on his. Just for a moment, I tell myself but it doesn’t work out that way. Nothing every works out the way I hope it will.
I’ve wished and I’ve hoped and waited for Jack to say something to me like Red just did. Something that means all this love I’ve been holding onto for years isn’t a waste. That there’s someone who wants me, someone who’s willing to take that love from me, and love me back. I wanted it to be Jack more than anything in the world, but…he can’t. I fight back tears; sad angry guilty tears, and in spite of my best efforts, I can’t keep the fire in. Thank God Hellboy’s fireproof.
I know Jack’s the type of man who will just ask for what he wants. If he wanted me, if he really wanted me, he’d have said something…years ago. Why would he wait? If he loved me, the way Red loves me, Jack wouldn’t wait to say something. He’d just say it. He wouldn’t mess around and waste time on what ifs and second guesses.
Jack Harkness would not wait.
And it’s in that moment I realize that I can’t either, not when someone is here, now, willing to love me like I need to be loved, even if I don’t think I love him. Not like that anyway. Not…yet.
But…I can’t keep waiting for the rest of my life for something I can never have.
Jack’s …not worth it.
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