Day Seven - Letter to your Ex - For captain_flyboy

[open_flame]

Jack,

There's not a day that goes by that something doesn't make me think of you, even if it's just the fact that I wore these boots that time you let me win the snowball fight. Yes, I know you let me win.

I hate you for it.

No, not the snowball fight thing,that was sweet, even though I could have won all on my own if I'd have REALLY wanted to. I could have. I mean the whole memories thing. The fact you ruined my favorite boots, asshole!

And I know that's stupid; hating you for all those memories that aren't even bad in the first place. They're good. They make me smile when I want to cry and... I think that makes it harder, the fact that instead of thinking about all the horrible things that happened, all I can think about is the good times. I mean, you tried to kill me and Dana, but I can't really hate you for that. I know other people do but... I donno. It hurts more that you didn't trust me enough to open your mouth and say something was horribly wrong, than the fact that you lost control but I'm kinda a hypocrite for thinking like that so... whatever. I know you couldn't just come out an say it because of that little fcuker Luke, but...you knew I was good at taking hints and you didn't give me much of anything until it was too late.

So yeah. I kinda hate you for the fact that...I am a little ruined like you said might happen to me that first time we broke up.Not because you did all those horrible things, but because you did all those wonderful things. There's always going to be that need to make a comparison in the back of my head. Every time someone that I'm even remotely interested in does anything sweet,that little voice in my head is going to whisper "Jack did it better."

Like Luke, and the roses. The spectacle and grandeur of it al was just too much.l. Most girls would be flipping out about it but all I wanted to do was hide them in my office because it was just too much. You would know I'd hate that, that it would be far too much attention for me to even enjoy it. You didn't at first...but you learned and that meant you cared and made an effort to be better and understand who I really was...am. And that...hell, I donno. That kinda means a lot. The last man to do that for me was....a lot of them but you're different. You're so different.

Fuck...

Anyway, the whole situation makes me mad, which of course makes me sad, and we both know that being sad sucks, but it hurts less than hating yourself for screwing something up over something as little and stupid as...whatever the hell went wrong.

So...there you have it.

Guess some things never do change,

-Liz



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Jack,

Sometimes I wish I'd never met you.

-Liz