From Twitter 09-04-2009

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( This was a bad idea from the start. )

; I should have never left Jersey. I should have never come back to BPRD in the first place, and I sure as hell should not have come to New York.

Jack’s ex,  Ianto is back. Yes, the dead one. Guess that makes him not so  much of an “ex” anymore.  Not that I was expecting anything to come of Jack kissing me, really. It was just…ridiculous. Stupid thoughts. It’s a good thing. Jack deserves a second chance more than anyone I can think of when it comes to things like that. I’m happy for him, I swear.

I’m avoiding Gabriel. It was supposed to be a fun night, a party at the bar Helena Kyle works at. Same bar Jack and I were at last night, coincidently. Small world. Then I got the text from Sylar. I figured we were just going to meet up and go together, but when I walked into Sylar’s office it became very clear that was not what was going on.

Gabriel looked so different. He looks so different from when I first met him. I wish I would have known about the empathy, and that was as strong as it was; I would never have allowed myself to get as upset as I do around him. I guess I don’t ask the right questions when it comes to peoples powers. I should, but finding out so many horrible things about Jack’s past over the past month has made me a bit afraid to ask questions like that. Sometimes the answers are more than I think I can handle.

Sylar was so upset, and when I bolted, it only made him more upset. The last thing I want is to piss a guy like him off. Great agent I was turning out to be. I should have been more attentive to my surroundings and the people in my life. It’s so obvious now by the way Gabriel was been acting that the empathy was hurting him. All that things I had…have…swarming in my head. All the feelings and regrets, he probably felt it all. All? Oh…crap. He probably knows how I get those tiny little butterflies in my stomach whenever he’s around. Son of a bitch!

The party was a disaster; Elle showed up, got drunk, and again said a bunch of things that confused me and made me feel even worse for her. Kitty, as always, just doesn’t seem to understand when I don’t want to talk about my life that she should just shut the hell up and stop asking. I don’t have the heart to tell her to go away though, she reminds me so much of me when I was 16 or so. She’s older than that, but I think something about growing up where she did stunted her a bit, just like growing up at BPRD stunted me. I guess there are worse places than BPRD to spend your formative years. Candice was talking to Peter, guess she's more forgiving than I thought. Then again, I was talking to Elle more than just about anyone else lately, it seemed. She's not so bad. A bit crazy, but not so bad.

Jack popped by, of course. Apparently he’s a regular there. All the girls and guys went mad, like they do. He looked…so happy. I can’t remember the last time I saw him look so happy, actually. I kept my distance. I wanted to talk to him, face to face, one on one and finally get a bit of clarity on our friendship, and…other things. Can’t do that with a crowd of people around.

I got it. Didn’t even have to ask. Things are crystal clear as to where I stand with Jack now. That’s one of those uncomfortable truths I keep finding out. God, I hate it when that happens.

I’m smoking again, more than I ever have actually. I forgot how sore it makes your throat; I can hardly talk.  Maybe, that’s a good thing.